whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
