I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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