I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
pray to the hookup gods
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
