She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
