found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
