I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
