so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
