just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
And then he peed in my hair
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