I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
