I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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