apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
