"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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