you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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