My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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