She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
