Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
