The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
