so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
