My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
