I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
