Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
