We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
