True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
