I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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