Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
40s are totally the cure
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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