so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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