im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
home. puking in laundry basket.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
