hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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