My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
either way he was missing a nipple.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
