I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I forgot how hot balto sounded
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
