Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
