you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
