And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
