i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
