remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
