omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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