Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
