thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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