I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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