Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
