no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
