He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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