today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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