thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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