how can u be prego again
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
