I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
