if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
