get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
