He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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