Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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