Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
