i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
