I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
