His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
