oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
