The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
