booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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