Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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