Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
