He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize