I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
