Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
