I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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