My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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