So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
