im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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