You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She told me I should be a condom model.
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Two words: blizzard sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
