barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
