just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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