Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
