I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
