: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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