i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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