Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
