I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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