UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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