Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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